If you want to know how to flirt, start here: flirting is showing someone you’re interested in a playful, low-pressure way that leaves them completely free to play back or pass. It isn’t a script or a trick. It’s warmth, attention and a little mischief, dialed up only as fast as the other person dials up with you.
How to flirt: 9 steps that actually work
Most good flirting is the first four done well. Add the rest once they’re clearly enjoying it.
1. Lead with warmth, not a line
The easiest way to flirt is to be noticeably glad to be talking to someone. Smile when you see them, use their name, ask a question and actually listen to the answer. A friendly opener about something you’re both looking at (“Is this band always this loud, or is tonight special?”) does more than a clever pickup line, because it’s easy to answer and doesn’t put anyone on the spot.
2. Use eye contact, then break it
Eye contact is your fastest signal. Catch their eye, hold it a beat longer than usual, smile, then look away. That hold-and-release says “I noticed you” without staring.
There’s research behind the instinct. In a 1989 study in the Journal of Research in Personality, Kellerman, Lewis and Laird had pairs of opposite-sex strangers exchange unbroken mutual gaze for two minutes. Those pairs reported more affection for each other, and in a second study the gaze raised feelings of passionate love among people who read their feelings from their own behavior. A few seconds of mutual eye contact still carries weight.
3. Let your body say you’re interested
Turn your shoulders and feet toward them, uncross your arms, put your phone away and lean in slightly when they speak.
Body language does a lot of the early work. Psychologist Monica Moore observed more than 200 adult women in social settings and catalogued 52 distinct nonverbal behaviors that drew male attention (Ethology and Sociobiology, 1985). The women who signaled most often were also the ones approached most often. A clear nonverbal “hello” invites people in before you say a word.
4. Be funny, and laugh at their jokes
Humor lowers the stakes: it lets you say “I like you” while keeping it light. Observational jokes about the moment you’re sharing beat prepared bits, and laughing at yourself beats laughing at anyone else.
Appreciating their humor can count as much as producing your own. In a 2006 study in Evolution and Human Behavior, Bressler, Martin and Balshine found that, asked to choose, women preferred partners who produced humor, while men preferred partners who were receptive to their own humor.
5. Give compliments that are specific
Compliment something the person chose, not something they were born with: their taste, their jacket, the way they told that story. “You have great eyes” is a line they’ve heard. “You tell stories like you’re letting me in on a secret” is about them. Give one, mean it, move on.
6. Tease, lightly
Playful teasing creates a little friction, and friction is what separates flirting from politeness. Tease about harmless choices (their coffee order, their terrible taste in movies, how competitive they are at pool), never about their body, job, money or anything they seem sensitive about. Smile, and let them tease back. If they go quiet instead, switch to sincere.
7. Escalate one step at a time
Escalation means making your interest a little clearer, then checking whether it’s welcome. The steps usually go: friendly chat, playful banter, a sincere compliment, a light touch if they’ve already been touching your arm, then a clear ask: their number, a drink somewhere quieter, a date. Take one step, watch the response, and only take the next if they matched you.
8. Read the signals, and don’t overread them
Interest usually looks like: they keep the conversation going, ask you questions back, hold eye contact, turn toward you, find reasons to stay, and touch you lightly. Disinterest looks like: short answers, looking at their phone or friends, turning away, and polite but flat replies.
Be honest with yourself about bias. In a 2012 speed-meeting study in Psychological Science (199 participants), Perilloux, Easton and Buss found that men who rated themselves more attractive or were more oriented toward casual, short-term relationships were more likely to overestimate women’s sexual interest, and that women tended to underestimate men’s. Friendliness isn’t a yes. When you’re not sure, ask.
9. Make consent part of the flirting
Asking isn’t the opposite of smooth. “Can I buy you a drink?” “Mind if I sit here?” “I’d like to kiss you. Is that okay?” Asking shows confidence: you’re comfortable hearing either answer. If they hesitate, change the subject or leave warmly. Nobody should have to reject you twice. And if someone is too drunk to give a clear answer, the flirting pauses for the night.
Find your flirting style
There isn’t one right way to flirt. Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall and colleagues surveyed 5,020 adults and identified five flirting styles (Communication Quarterly, 2010):
- Physical: comfortable expressing attraction through body language and closeness.
- Sincere: flirts by building an emotional connection and real conversation.
- Playful: flirts because it’s fun, not always with romantic intent.
- Traditional: expects the man to take the lead.
- Polite: careful, rule-following and wary of coming on too strong.
The physical, sincere and playful styles were linked to more dating success. Play to your natural style, then borrow from the others: a sincere flirt can add some teasing, and a playful flirt can make intentions clearer.
In person vs over text vs dating apps
In person
Bars, parties, weddings and social clubs are built for meeting people, and in person you have the most signal to work with: face, voice, posture, timing. Keep your first approach short and give them an easy exit (“I’ll let you get back to your friends, but I wanted to say hi”). If they want more, they’ll keep you there.
Places where people can’t easily walk away, like the gym mid-set, public transport or someone’s shift at work, call for much more restraint. A single friendly comment is fine. A sustained effort isn’t.
At work: check your company’s policy first, never flirt with someone you manage or who reports to you, keep it to one clear, respectful ask outside work hours, and take any no as final. You’ll see them on Monday either way.
Over text
Text strips out your tone, so word choice does the work. Keep messages short, ask questions that invite a playful answer, and match their pace. A callback (“Still thinking about your claim that you’ve never lost at darts”) beats “hey, what’s up” every time. For morning messages that land, see our good morning texts for her, and once you’re both clearly into it, our list of sexy text messages takes it further.
On dating apps
Three in ten U.S. adults have used a dating site or app, and one in ten partnered adults met their current partner through one, according to a Pew Research Center survey from July 2022. Apps skip the “are they single?” question, so you can flirt sooner.
- Open with something from their profile, not their looks.
- Ask one easy question per message so replying takes no effort.
- Suggest a real date after a few good exchanges. Endless pen-pal chat kills momentum.
- Never send explicit messages or photos nobody asked for.
- If they say they’re not interested, stop. In the same Pew survey, 43% of women under 50 who had used dating sites or apps said someone kept contacting them after they said they weren’t interested.
Some people lean on apps that write replies for them. Our explainer on rizz AI apps covers what they do and why the person you meet should sound like the person who texted.
How to flirt with a guy
Subtle hints are easy to miss, so be a little more direct than feels natural: hold eye contact and smile, start the conversation, compliment something specific (his laugh, his taste in music, how he handled that awkward moment), laugh at his jokes, and make the ask yourself if you want to see him again. “I’m having fun. Want to grab a drink this week?” removes all the guesswork.
Flirty lines you can adapt
These are starting points, not scripts. Change the details so they fit the person and sound like you. For bolder material once you’re both there, see our dirty pick up lines.
Openers in person
- “You look like you know what’s good here. I’m trusting you with my next drink order.”
- “I’ve been trying to guess what you’re laughing at over there. Settle it for me.”
- “Okay, I have to ask about the pin on your jacket.”
- “Honest opinion needed: was that last song a highlight or a crime?”
- “I was going to wait for a smooth moment to come say hi. This is as smooth as it gets.”
Compliments that don’t sound rehearsed
- “You get really animated when you talk about this. It’s a good look on you.”
- “You have excellent taste in terrible movies. I respect it.”
- “I’ve laughed more in the last ten minutes than all week.”
- “Whoever picked that jacket knew exactly what they were doing.”
- “You’re very easy to talk to. That’s rarer than you’d think.”
Playful teasing
- “You ordered a salad at a burger place. I’m going to need an explanation.”
- “I can already tell you’re dangerously competitive at board games.”
- “You said that with way too much confidence for someone who was wrong.”
- “Careful. If you keep being this charming I’ll have to stay for another round.”
Over text and on apps
- “Your profile says you make the best lasagna in the city. Bold claim. What’s the evidence?”
- “Pitch me your perfect Saturday in five words. I’ll grade it.”
- “I just walked past a karaoke bar and immediately thought of your ‘I don’t sing’ lie.”
- “Rate your day out of ten. If it’s under a seven, I’m legally required to cheer you up.”
- “I have a theory we’d disagree about the best tacos in town. Want to settle it Thursday?”
Making your move
- “I like talking to you. Can I take you somewhere quieter so I can hear the rest of that story?”
- “I’d rather keep this going somewhere with better lighting. Dinner on Friday?”
- “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for about an hour. Would that be okay?”
- “Give me your number, and I promise my first text will be better than this line.”
Recovering when it falls flat
- “In my defense, that line tested well with my mirror.”
- “Fair enough. It was nice meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your night.”
Flirting mistakes to avoid
- Performing instead of listening. Canned lines and monologues make it about you.
- Going sexual too soon. Innuendo with someone who hasn’t flirted back reads as pressure, not confidence.
- Teasing that stings. Negging or jokes about someone’s body or insecurities are insults with a smile.
- Ignoring a soft no. Short answers, turned shoulders and “haha anyway” are answers. Exit gracefully.
- Triple texting. Three unanswered messages in a row says you’re not reading the room.
- Touching without a green light. A brief tap on the arm after they’ve touched you is one thing. Anything more waits for a clear yes.
- Never making a move. Endless banter with no ask leaves the other person guessing.
Practice with an AI companion
Flirting is a skill, and skills get easier with reps. If you freeze up or overthink every message, practice where nothing is at stake. With an AI character you can try an opener three different ways, rehearse a tease and see how it lands, or practice asking someone out until the words feel like yours.
Cherrypop.ai is an 18+ platform for uncensored AI chat and roleplay, with a large catalog of ready-made characters and many personality types, from confident to shy to guarded. Pick a character who’s like the person you find hard to talk to, or build your own at cherrypop.ai/create and set up the scene you want to practice: a bar, a first date, a match you’ve just started texting. It runs in your mobile browser with no app install, and it’s free to start, with limits; paid plans unlock more messages, images and features. Our guide to sexting with AI covers the flirtier side.
Then take what felt natural back to the real person.
FAQ
What is the easiest way to flirt?
Eye contact and a genuine smile, followed by a question about something you’re both experiencing. That combination shows interest without any pressure, and it works for shy people because it doesn’t require a clever line.
What are some flirty questions to ask?
Good flirty questions are playful, a little personal and easy to answer. Twenty to try:
- Which food would you defend in an argument nobody asked you to have?
- Be honest: did you notice me first, or did I notice you?
- What does your Sunday look like when nobody needs anything from you?
- Are you a good dancer, or a confident one?
- What’s something you’re weirdly good at that never comes up on a first date?
- What would we be doing right now if this were a movie?
- Which song could get you on a karaoke stage without a single drink?
- If we both called in sick tomorrow, where would you take me?
- What’s the worst opener that somehow worked on you?
- Do you flirt on purpose, or does it just happen?
- What’s something that instantly makes you like someone?
- Cook for me or let me cook for you?
- What tiny thing would end a second date for you?
- What’s the best date you’ve ever been on, minus the name?
- Are you the one who suggests one more drink, or the one who agrees to it?
- If your entrance tonight had a soundtrack, what’s playing?
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to try on a date?
- Are you a 7 a.m. texter or a 1 a.m. texter?
- What’s your weakness: good food, good music or good conversation?
- On a scale of one to ten, how likely is a yes if I ask you to dinner?
How do I rizz my crush?
Rizz is just charm. Spend real time talking with your crush, remember details they tell you and bring them up later, make them laugh, give one specific compliment, and then ask them out plainly. If they’re a coworker, check your workplace rules first and make it one respectful ask.
How do men like to be flirted with?
Directly, for the most part: a smile, a specific compliment and a clear invitation.
How can I be more flirty if I’m shy?
Lean on the nonverbal steps first: eye contact, smiling and turning toward the person. Prepare two or three easy questions, and practice out loud with a friend or an AI character.